A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

I may have made a mistake. I recently bought the Nightmare on Elm Street blu ray, so I decided to watch it before the wife and I left for the midnight screening of Platinum Dunes "re-imagining" of said title. This means I was in uber-critic mode. Not only that, but I also watched the "Never Sleep Again" documentary that shows how they created all of the most memorable scenes from the original. The reason this was a mistake is, it shows how all those memorable scenes from the original, were created with some of the most simplistic practical effects. This means, when it was handled with CGI in the remake, it disappointed me more than it might have otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I'm always a supporter of 100 percent practical effects, but sometimes, if handled well, the CGI can blend. The scene in the original where Freddy's pushes his face through the wall was handled with a sheet of spandex, bought from the fabric store down the road. The same scene in the remake looked like a cartoon. It was completely CGI. The sad thing is, the sheet of spandex looked so much better.

Now that I have that rant off of my chest, let's stop comparing the two flicks, and just talk about the remake as it's own film. Much like the other Platinum Dunes remakes, Nightmare is polished, flashy, well shot, and well financed. All the acting is passable, although some, you can tell, are around a decade past being a high schooler. This doesn't detract from the movie though, and if you really think about it, they're better about that kind of thing now than they used to be. The original "Tina" was supposedly 15 years old.

Jackie Earl Haley did a good job as Kruger. While Englund's absence is obvious, Haley does a good job at making Freddy scary again. He also squeezes out a few pretty decent one-liners. My main problem with Freddy this time around is that part of his face was CGI, and if he turned his head a certain way, it was very noticeable. Other than that, I had no problems with him, in appearance, or presence. He was a little less humorous, and a little more vicious/aggressive than the Freddy we knew before.

Instead of being treated to subtle ominous hints that we're no longer in the real world, we're given some music video style quick cuts, and different things of that nature. It doesn't have the charm of the original, but works on it's own level.

I'm going to catch a lot of shit for giving this movie a positive score, but I don't give a fuck. I'm sick of the bullying that goes on in the horror community, and I'm sick of the elitist attitudes. I won't be intimidated by bitchy little snobs who bash a movie like this simply because it's not the original. You know what? It's not the original, It's a film of it's own, and it deserves to be watched as such. If you can manage to pull your head out of your ass for 90 minutes, and watch this movie without the "original" blinders on, you might find that you have a little bit of fun at the movie theater, I know I did.

6.5/10

SyFy's Mothman

Yes you read the title correct I am in fact reviewing a SyFy original film. Mothman is very loosely based on the crypto we all have heard of by this point of our lives. Loosely as its based in point pleasant and the killer is the mothman other than that the story is basically throw out the door besides a mention of the bridge collapse. Now going into this movie I had very little hope that I would be good in any form. And my gut feelings couldn't of been anymore right then they were. This movie is horrible from start to finish basically they claim the mothman returns to exact revenge for those who die before their time. A group of friends accidentally drown one of their friends and 4 years later when they all return to point pleasant the mothman returns to get revenge for the young boy who died all those years ago. The most amusing part of the story is the fact the mothman can only enter our world through reflective surfaces yes thats right unless there is something shiny around you are safe as can be. It makes me wonder how much money SyFy actually makes from these horrible attempts at films I honestly don't understand how they can stay in business with all the horrible movies they put out each year. Save your self the pain and skip this one maybe their next random giant animal vs other random giant animal movie will be better but i doubt it.

Ritualistic 1/10

Kick-Ass

If Roger Ebert's 1 star review of Kick-Ass tells us anything, it's that he's becoming less and less significant as a film critic. Personally, I've very rarely found myself agreeing with him. It seems like he likes all the wrong movies, for all the wrong reasons. People are certainly entitled to their own personal opinions of a movie, but if you're payed to do this, you have a responsibility to give the most accurate review possible. This is not what happened with his review of Kick-Ass.

Kick-Ass tells the story of Dave Lezewski, played by the interchangeable Aaron Johnson. Dave is what one might call a geek. He's not the popular kid at school, and has only a couple of friends. Dave wonders why, with all the movies and comics available, nobody has ever tried to be a super hero in real life. After taking a severe beating during his first attempt at crime fighting, Dave is left with metal pins holding him together, which gives him the ability to take a more brutal beating than most people. Dave, or "Kick-Ass" at this point, soon learns that he's not alone in his venture. We're now introduced to Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse turning in a funny villain performance) Big Daddy(Nicholas Cage channeling Adam West) and Hit Girl, played by Chloe Moretz, who absolutely steals every scene she is in.

As mentioned before, Chloe Moretz steals the entire show. Every scene she is in is non stop entertainment. It's impressive, being only 11 years old, that she's so demanding on-screen. Chloe is also in the starring role of the American remake of Let The Right One In. If they make a sequel to Kick-Ass, which they most certainly will, They need to focus mainly on Hit Girl, and they'll most definitely have a #1 hit on their hands.

Kick-Ass is nowhere near as violent, and depraved as some of the more morally uptight critics have led on. Don't get me wrong, You see the carnage that is done, but it's intentionally handled in a cartoony way, because after-all this IS a comic book movie. The film manages to be both lightheartedly comedic, and dark at the same time. There were times you were laughing and other times blown away by what just happened on the screen, the action was intense.

All and All Kick-Ass was one of the better comic book films to come to the theater. Be Thankful Matthew Vaughn, the director stuck to his guns, as early buzz indicated that a big studio would finance it if the rating was taken down to pg-13, and Hit Girl was taken out of the film. If the director would have done that, it would have just been another ho-hum superhero flick to watch and forget. Hit Girl is what makes the movie, She is the reason this film has it's title. In the words of 11 year old Hit Girl, Okay you cunts... Go watch This Movie!

8/10

Pig

Adam Mason's "Pig" premiered free to all tonight, on bloody-disgusting, dreadcentral, and Twitchfilm. Mason was responsible for the mind-fuck of a film "The Devil's Chair." as well as "Blood River."

To call this a film would be liberal usage of the word. It's more of an experiment in the technical side of film making. There is no narrative, no character development, and honestly no purpose to the film. The bulk of the movie(70 minutes) was filmed in one take. If you explain this to the average movie goer, not only will they not care, but they most likely won't even know what you're talking about.

Now that I've explained that this isn't really a movie, but more of a talent showcase, let's delve into what worked for me. Knowing I was viewing one continuous take blew my mind for most of the film. The cinematography is nothing short of amazing after consuming that fact. Even more impressive is how they allow for F/X gags to be set up while the camera is running. A quick re-frame of the shot, allows for the off-screen crew to quickly set up the special effects. Some of the tricks used here were absolutely brilliant. Setting the kill in the bed of a pick-up truck, allows for them to make a quick cut to a wide-shot, while someone crawls on their belly, setting up the effects for the kill.

This isn't a movie to be enjoyed. In fact, I wouldn't recommend viewing this film to anyone unless they are not only an aspiring film maker, but interested in film making as an art form. It's hard to watch, and not because of the subject matter. While our main character prepares his "meal" the camera lingers on him, with his captive struggling in the background. This goes on for what seems like forever. A lot of the time, it made me feel like I was stoned. I knew something should be going on on the screen, but I felt so disoriented that I couldn't tell if I was missing something, or if that was just the way the movie made me feel. The acting is decent, considering there's not much coherent dialog, and that this is mostly happening in real time. The setting is believable, all-be-it a little bland. The music gets a tad annoying, with the same song being played in the back ground over and over.

If you're interested in becoming a film maker, and marvel at the technical aspects of a film, you may want to endure this experiment. You'll definitely be in for something original. But please, don't go into the flick expecting an enjoyable movie, because aside from marveling at the talent behind the camera, there's nothing to like here. Watch if you dare, and remember you've been warned.

Nine Dead

Going in to Nine Dead(2010) I had next to no information about the film. I knew it featured Melissa Joan Hart, which, let's face it, is the queen of the curvy women for my generation. And I saw that it had a 4 star rating on Netflix. Now, if you're familiar with Netflix, you know that it's rare to see a 4 star rating for anything outside of Big budget Hollywood tripe, and films that have been deemed classics. Frankly, I'm not sure how this movie pulled the rating off, perhaps all the votes aren't tallied.

Nine Dead isn't really a typical film. Most films spend the first part of the film(If at all) developing characters. Nine Dead takes it's time to introduce us to each character. Nine people have been kidnapped, and are now handcuffed together in one room. A masked man tells them to figure out why each one of them are in the room, or he'll come back every ten minutes and off one of them.

Despite it's many flaws, I did enjoy the film. Trust me when I say this though, you're going to have to forgive a mountain of plot holes, and things that just don't make sense at all. You'll also be asked to accept that their captor is one of the best investigators on the planet, as he's deduced things that nobody could possibly know, and his clairvoyance is never explained. One more problem I had with the film was Melissa Joan Hart. I'm sorry Clarissa, I've harbored sick fantasies about you for most of my life, but I don't buy for one second that you're the DA for even the smallest district. I'm sorry, but it's just not a role suited for you, honey. Also, whoever did her makeup, and wardrobe, made her out to look pretty haggard. I know she's not the ripe teen age of 27 anymore, but she looks a hell of a lot better than that. A lot of lines felt forced, cliche, and several actually made me cringe. I felt if they had put a little more time into the script, most of these things could have been hammered out.

The story is interesting, and it at least made me want to stick it out and find out the conclusion. But for the most part, the high Netflix rating remains a mystery. I can't say that I recommend the film, but if you're bored, and have nothing else to watch, load Netflix up on your platform of choice, and check out what Sabrina has been up to lately, aside from squeezing out puppies.

5/10

The Reeds

The Reed's tells the story of six friends who plan a weekend boating trip through the Norfolk Broads but soon find themselves caught in the middle of the struggle between an old man and the very teenage life's he took many years ago. The spirits of the murdered teen's now haunt the old man and anyone who steps foot on the Corsair Star boat.

I want to start off by saying that so far this is my favorite out of the latest batch of After Dark films. As most people know I love movies dealing with ghosts and the paranormal but unfortunately a lot of them are just done horribly. That is not the case with The Reeds which is a beautiful example of a movie based around a haunting. The acting in this film is very solid and the special effects are beautiful all of which appear to of been practical effects no CGI that I could spot so if it was in there it was done well and unnoticeable. The story really blew me away its hard for me to review this one without giving up important parts of the movie because I just loved the story so much and the way it progressed at a very nice steady pace ending in a very satisfying way. The plot twists were executed perfectly. The Reeds does an excellent job of building tension and unlike a lot of today's horror it also delivers at the end. It didn't feel rushed or like they weren't sure how to end it like a lot today's movies seem to be plagued with it was done very well and really left you with a wow feeling as you finish piecing together what you just witnessed. If you enjoy a good haunting movie with a strong storyline beautiful blood and gore where needed all rolled up in a neat package of pure horror enjoyment I highly recommend you pick up a copy of The Reeds.

8/10 - Ritualistic